Decisions...Decisions

I am currently enrolled in Rio Hondo College and taking my prerequisites to enter the Nursing program. I Right now my schedule really conflicts with Isabels school schedule and I have nobody to pick her up and take her to day care after. I signed her up for another school that has full time kindergarten and they have called me to see if I still want her to attend. The thing is she is already having a hard time going for 3 hours. She crys and throws a big fit before school.
I feel like it would be an even bigger shock to her if I now started her at this new school all because I have a schedule conflict. I don't know what to do.

I am really in need of a job. I am thinking about working night but that will mean Isabel with be sleeping else where on school nights and that will mess her up even more. Sometimes I feel so bad for my baby. She already doesn't have her father in her life and then she has to deal with an insane schedule because im at the mercy of those who can babysit her. I am doing the best I can but I really feel like im failing here!

YES I CRIED

It sure has been an eventful week. My daughter started her first day of Kindergarten. She was so excited and I was excited for her to make new friends and learn new things. As I left her at her classroom, I felt my eyes fill with tears. I suppose I felt like I couldn't protect her anymore. I'm so used to coaxing her to talk to others and if she won't then I speak up for her. Now she's out there on her own in a sense. Now don't tell me im overreacting! This is my baby girl....my pride and joy!!!

In case you were wondering she did survive and had a great time. Her second day she was a little late and I forgot her snack/lunch!! I felt so terrible, and honestly embaressed. First I am a single mom and on top of that a young mother. I honestly felt like such a statistic, like I was supposed to do something wrong. Well Tommorow is another day!!!!!!!!

MOTHERHOOD

Today I started eating dinner at the table with my daughter. I hear its good for a family to do that. I think tonight's meal was really good for me. She is 5. She won't feel the effects of this for a while I suppose. I want to start having dinner like this every night that were home. I want to be a better mother. I feel like I haven't been doing my best lately. I have really been contemplating who I really am. I've started on a Journey to find out who I really am. And it isn't going to be pretty.